No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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