Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
