i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
