I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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