I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
