come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
