Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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