Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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