I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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