Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
