How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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