drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
