i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
