people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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