My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
