Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I want her autograph on my taint
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
