Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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