I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
