White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
