your thong is hanging out like whoa
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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