Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
