Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
