i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
