Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
