Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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