Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
