Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
