Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
