I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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