So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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