But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
