I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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