so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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