I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
