ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
