chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
