i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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