I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
