everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
