yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
