my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
