you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
