Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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