I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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