I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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