The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
