Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
