I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
