Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
