well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
