you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
