I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize