I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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