Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
