The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
