yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
