I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
