I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
