yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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