At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
