i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize