FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
