Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
