man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
