Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
