I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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