I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
