You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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