we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we made out on top of his cat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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